Personal Transition

It seems many are in a personal transition or a reinvention of themselves these days. The ecomony down for 3 years, business being done a new way, all the old ways seem to be pushing us forward to expand in new ways and try new things. For me, this past year has been quite a transition. My child left last fall for college and a huge opening towards life came about. Never to parent the same way again was opening and a bit ungrounding as well.

I must say it has been quite a year. I have tried to keep my mind open for what it is to do next. My marriage shifted which turned out quite well but took some time to create a new way to be partners without the connecting link of a child.

 I started having classes here at the farm which kind of came out of nowhere really. I began a study with a Russian school after the Vibrant Living Festival, the School Of Integral Empowerment, and turned out having three of the teachers stay here and hold seminars in the winter. It turned into having classes here to help others find new ways to shift and transform in this new world about us. It has been great fun and interesting connecting diverse beliefs. I have opened tremendously to new thinking and old traditons. Nothing exactly planned yet a wonderful way to share the land. I always wanted to do that but this just thrust it forward.

The flowers are always grounding to me. The organic market doesn't seem to grow as quick as I thought. I have some weddings and wonderful weekly customers, celebrations here and there but not quite enough to sustain me. I have been doing that for many years and wonder how I can know so many people, share so many flowers through the Chamber and networking yet get such a small market share. My guess is that I am to do something more, something larger or it would be booming by now.

I am in one of those moments where you feel between the two trapeze. I have shifted from one place to the next. I am seeking my new place and have not gotten there yet. My ideas are out and growing yet it seems as though I am still not filled with tasks to do completely. I am in that space of newness and not yet sure what it is and if I am there. We always want to change and become so quickly and I am one who lacks patience. It has been a year? Why have I not figured it all out yet? Why do I still feel in transition? Well a year is a short time compared to 19years of one main goal. I have many years ahead and 12 months isn't going to solve what I am I to do with the rest of my life now that I am an empty nester. I think in our ambitious society with quick answers and google, we are hard on ourselves and wanting to find things so quickly. It doesn't unfold that way and it is okay to be in limbo sometimes. It is important to watch and stay calm even when everything shouts something else.

I had to write this so others in transition and transformation would not feel alone or bad because they didn't figure it out yet. I too run into struggles with the deep questions as all do and I too feel pressure to know! Yet with all my study and life experience I do know that large shifts in life are not quick and smooth. They are drawn out and they require important decisions and clearings to see truly where the path leads. I do know that being authentic means embracing the changes and notice the field about to find what I should be doing. It also means it takes some time to get comfortable with yourself in new ways that may be different from what you have been and with those you have been. These ways and patterns that need to change at this time run deep and have been about along time. It takes great patience to allow yourself to flower and to let it happen rather than try to make it. I do know that I am a teacher and studier of the ways to be our best. In my own self development I can learn to help others with theirs. I enjoy the conscious look at the things we are doing that make no sense and have courage to change myself even if it is hard. I investigate ways to be more present and alive and the systems and world is shifting in all this. So feel a comrade on the road if you are also in a reinvention of your business or yourself. It is always a new day and new ways can be found. Know there are many in your shoes and we all feel abit ungrounded between the trapeze. It is also exciting, quite intense, even scary to revamp on grand scale. But then I am an adventurer and was never one to want to do the same thing over and over again. So to grow is to be a bit lost. To expand is to be uncomfortable. I feel it and it is not always so lovely. However there will be greatness at the end of this mid air fly. As my Babci would say when you told her strife, what are you gonna do? It just is. So I embrace the scary as well!!